The Holidays

Having worked in the social service field for a little while now I am always reminded of the pain and suffering that people are going through during this joyous time.  It's the Christmas season (even though it's technically over now...) and the start of a new year.  It's a time to celebrate the birth of Christ and get together with family members and friends that we haven't seen for a while.  However, not everyone has family and friends to greet and embrace, not everyone has a relationship with their families, and others yet have high conflict families that cause great pain and suffering throughout the holiday.  

I was reading in the paper this week about exchange students (particularly college students) that have nowhere to go during the Christmas season, their families are all oversees, their friends are busy with their families, their customs and traditions aren't even possible here for whatever reason.  However, that's not what the article was about...the article was about people (friends, professors, etc) taking these people and bringing them home to their families to enjoy the festivities with their families!  I thought this was pretty awesome for people to be doing.  While the exchange student may not be able to celebrate the holidays with their usual customs and traditions, they were all very grateful that they did not have to spend the holidays on their own.  To me, this reminds me that there are still gracious people left out there.  That joyous holidays don't have to be lonely for many people.  

So even though Christmas is done, and you already have New Years plans, if you know of someone who is going to be lonely during the remainder of the season, invite them to your house, celebrate with them, enjoy their company.  Too often we get stuck in our own lives to remember about those that are around us...especially during the holidays.  

Thank you to everyone that has made this a great year!  May God bless you in the year to come!

A New Year...A New Job...A New Life?

Well, well, well...there has been a lot going on!  So as of this week I will no longer be employed by Christian Horizons...I know...I've been here for roughly 3 1/2 years...quite some time...but it will no longer (come 2010) be my main source of employment.  It brings on many different emotions, to be honest.  I'm extremely excited that I'm continuing on with my life, and branching out into something that I am very passionate about, but also quite sad.  I've worked in 5 different homes within Christian Horizons, giving me quite a well rounded experience of what Christian Horizons has to offer, and I must admit I have throughly enjoyed my stay.  The most previous house that I am leaving (in Guelph) has by far had the best team/boss that I've had the pleasure of working with. It is very sad to be leaving this team because they have been amazing in this home, and I am astounded at the amount of talent that we have been able to acquire in this home.  Christian Horizons has been blessed by this team and I know that they will all go on to do amazing things with their lives, in or outside of Christian Horizons.

However, I have accepted a position of Program/Volunteer Manager at a grassroots organization named ROOF (Reaching Our Outdoor Friends).  There I will be helping manage a team of talented people (paid and unpaid) who are reaching out to homeless youth in Kitchener.  Not only does it give me great privilege to be offered the job it is where part of my passion is.  I say part because I have three main passions (in this order): Serving others, mediation, and youth.  I don't know incredible details yet of the staff/volunteers yet, but I'm looking forward to the challenge and putting my knowledge and skills to good use.  I am extremely thankful to my (now former) boss because I feel equipped and ready for this challenge.  It's always encouraging to know that people are there growing new leaders and developing their talents and gifts.  I can only hope that I do half as good of a job as he's done.

So what does this mean for my mediation business Absolution Mediation?  Nothing changes!  Things are still going ahead as planned, and I hope to start advertising soon.  I have some internships that I need to nail down  yet...three more courses...and BAMN!  Ready to role!  One of the things that I am going to be incorporating into my business is conflict/relationship coaching.  I'm very excited about this, and have been doing tons, and tons of reading about it.  The more I learn about mediation and coaching the more I've been realizing that I've been doing this my whole life!  Another exciting thing about my new position is the active role that I will be taking in coaching staff.  I'm very excited to be able to have this opportunity and extremely nervous as well.  Wish me luck!!

Why not?

This summer an amazing friend of mine did an internship as the pastor of a church.  I had the opportunity to hear him preach on two occasions, and at first I thought, am I really going to get anything out of this?  It sounds horrible that I would think that, but I've known this guy for many, many years, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when I heard on of his sermons.  I can't remember the exact context that this was in, but he talked about the need to clean our inner selves, not just the outside.

In today's world we are so concerned with how we look, how others perceive us, what kind of hard/soft exterior we show others, etc.  but we often forget the introspective part of ourselves.  We all have baggage, some of us more then others, so what do we do with this baggage?  How do we deal with it?  How can we cleanse ourselves?  I'm not purposing to have all the answers about this, nor do I claim to be an expert at ridding the baggage of my own life, however I think I have a few ideas on this.

Inner baggage can cause a huge stress in our lives and effect our relationships with others and God.  If we are not willing to look inside ourselves and see what kind of baggage we are carrying around with us that is going to strongly effect our relationships with others.  We need to look deep inside ourselves and ask ourselves some of those deep, underlying questions that we hate to ask:  What is bothering me?  What am I really like?  Who do I want to be?  How do I do that?

We can not have an effective relationship with others if we don't truly know ourselves, too often people are afraid to look inside themselves and have a real conversation with themselves about what drives them.  If we can not be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with others?  And if we can't be honest with others why would they want to invest time in establishing a relationship with us?  I realize I am just asking questions instead of providing answers or solutions, however I think that everyone needs to answer these questions for themselves, because I don't have the answers for you.  Everyone knows the answers to these questions if they are to be really honest with themselves, and if you can't think of answers to these questions I have just one more question for you.  Why?

Random Acts of Kindness

Today is Random Acts of Kindness day.  It's pretty crazy that we need a day like this to do random acts of kindness don't you think...however, I think that it's a good way to encourage random acts.  I remember a few years ago I was working at a Starbucks.  It was around Christmas time, and this person came in and loaded a Starbucks gift card with $100.  He then proceeded to give the card to me and said that I was to use this card for everyone after him, until the card was done.  I was floored!  Wow!  And then the man got his coffee and left!  I'll never forget some of the reactions that the following people had. They were so surprised that their lattes and coffees were going to be free!  I think it's a moment that had a huge impact on me, and I think the people that got free coffee's won't forget that experience too soon either!

Today is Random Acts of Kindness day...what are you going to do?

you know it don't you...

Holy crap it's been a month already!  Brutal...my apologies.  Soooo anyways, I want to talk about a quote that I saw recently...I love it, it's superb.  Ready?  Here it is;

"People are usually more convinced by reasons they discover by themselves than by those found by others."

-Blaise Pascal
One of the things I like about this quote is the incredible amount of truth that it brings.  Let's think about this for a minute, what are you most likely to believe?  Someone telling you facts and/or reasons, or finding them out for yourself?  I think everyone will agree that you will be more convinced of something if you find it out for yourself first hand, right?

This is just one of the beautiful things I like about mediation.  When I am mediating a case between people, the two parties are more likely to come to an agreement if they talk to each other and find out things through their conversation rather then me telling them reasons on why they should agree.  This is why a huge part of the mediator is to facilitate the conversation, ask good questions, and uncover interests.

Everyone has problem solving skills, it's a matter of them using them effectively.  Many people don't realize the skills that they do have and it's part of the mediator's job to help that person uncover those skills and to put them in action.  So if your talking to someone about a problem they have with a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, or child, try asking them questions.  They know how to deal with the conflict at hand, they just need the right keys to unlock what they already know.  So before you spout off some advice for someone, ask them what they think they should do!

Get some Passion

Ok, so the last few days I've watched this video with Gary Vaynerchuck.  I had never heard of him before...but he blew me away!  The video is about 15 minutes, but once you start watching you can't stop!  He talks about two things in this video, Patience and Passion.  This is one extremely passionate man! He goes on to say that if you are 1% unhappy, it's time to get out and do something you are passionate about.  Even if that something makes less money, if you are going to be happier then it's worth it to get out.

This concept of happiness while at work has always been something big for me.  I've talked to lots of people that hate their jobs, and simply bitch about them nonstop.  I have always said to them, if your not happy with what you are doing, find something else!  Find what your passion is and go for it!  Another thing Gary addresses is a question from someone who asks, "What about getting enough money to do something?"  Gary just kind of laughs and tells the guy that even if your working 9 to 5, you come home spend some time with the family, kiss the dog, and work from 7pm-2am.  Doesn't this make sense?  If you are passionate about something wouldn't you just work on it all the time?  Put effort into it? Have a drive to succeed in it?  That's what I think.  

Another thing that I thought of while I watched this video was that we need more Christians like this.  When did we lose our passion for Christ?  Now we wuss around the topic of God and religion, we sidestep those conversations, we say do whatever you want!  I know where I'm going!  When did we become such wimps? And if your thinking right now, "I can't believe he's saying this about Christians!" Then get your head out of the sand and look around you.  I'm not proud to say, but I do it sometimes, and I'll admit sometimes I need to get some balls and address some of these things head on.  But there are many people that do this, and it shows a lack of passion, a lack of love, a lack of trust in God.  We lack a holy rage to being outspoken towards God. Think about it.  And while your thinking, read this qoute by a dude named Kaj Munk...oh and watch the video!
"What is, therefore, the task of the preacher (or the church) today?  Shall I answer: "Faith, hope and love?" That sounds beautiful.  But I would say - Courage.  No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth.  Our task today is recklessness.  For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature, we lack a holy rage."
-Kaj Munk

For Communities' Sake!

Last week I went to a Trauma conference...I know what your thinking..boring right? But actually it was quite interesting! However, that wasn't the most exciting thing that was happening there. When I first walked into the large room I found that I was not sitting with any co-workers at all...which at first I was disappointed in...I was, instead, sitting with a group of complete strangers. The cool part about it, however, was that there were people there from all different positions within the social service field. So we were able to make connections with different agencies/people in our area (geographically) which was pretty awesome. The even better part was that all these people were at this conference to serve the clientele that they support/serve. It was one giant community coming together to show support for the work that others did and learn how they can do the work that they do better!

While I was there I began thinking that we don't often do this within the church community as often as we should. Sometimes it feels that we're "competing for souls" within our communities. Should it really be this way? Obviously there are some communities that are already doing this sometimes, but not near enough of our communities are doing this. I think that too many churches are still stuck up and don't want to deal with other denominations, for whatever reason, which is depressing and truly sad. People are scared to commit to something as large and life-changing like this...why? Why are we afraid to be apart of a movement that can forever change people's lives?

I love community, and I feel that I'm lacking in it right now, mainly because I'm not actively involved in one church, however there are still other communities that I am involved in, and they truly bless my life and make it worthwhile. To be able to serve others and be served by others, truly nothing compares to the feeling! So why are we afraid to commit to being active within these communities? We say that we're busy as we flip on the TV, we make up various excuses (and we could all name 50) not to be involved in something that could potentially change our lives and the lives of people around us. I think one of the reasons is that people will truly to get to know aspects of our lives that we wish to hide from the people around us. We are frightened of showing our weaknesses and having people expose us for our faults. But how else are we supposed to grow? So get involved, be active, get off the couch, be outspoken, dare to be wrong, dare to be vulnerable!

Satan's a salesman

Ask anyone...I love a good deal...but who doesn't? However, getting a good deal can sometimes get me in trouble...for example, buying many things that I don't need and then coming home to my wife...oops!

Lately I've been thinking about the relationship between God and Satan. It's a pretty complicated relationship I think...but in order for me to think about their relationship, I first thought about who they are individually. The more I thought about it the more I think that Satan is an excellent salesman. He could easily sell cars, insurance...pretty much anything! Satan is probably the ideal salesman...he can make anything look inviting. For example...think of some of the "sins" in your life, why do you do them?

Satan needs to sell us things because that is his contribution in stalling God's kingdom. Without that constant temptation it would be a lot more joyful of a world don't you think?

take a breathe...

The other day I heard something amazing…want to know what it is? It was this line, “Every breath we take is God breathing life into us.” Isn’t that amazing? Think about how many breathes you take in a day…that’s a lot isn’t it? So every time you take one of those breathes God is breathing life into you. He’s providing you the life that you are living! Incredible don’t you think?

Everyone takes life for granted sometimes…we all are busy with our work, friends, social events…usually too busy. With this busyness we can often lose sight of the “smaller” things that are going on around us; The grass growing, the world turning, the breathes we’re breathing. When was the last time you thought about your breathing? It’s something incredibly small, but earth-shatteringly large!

We are still breathing because we have a purpose that we have not yet fulfilled. I don’t know what yours is but I think mine has to do with spreading the Word of God…I don’t always remember this purpose, and I don’t always live out this purpose…but if I think of all the times that God has breathed life into me (every day…every breath) I need to be a better lamb to my shepherd.

Sometimes I forget how important it is to breathe, it’s our survival, it’s our will to live. It’s something that we do without thinking, but if I stop to think about it, God is breathing life into us…and if God is giving us life, shouldn’t we be shouting that from the rooftops?

God gave me life today…how about you?

Summer Lovin'

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about friends. It's come to me that relationships really grow in the summertime. Why? Well let's talk about it!

One thing I notice with people is that they tend to "hang out" in the summer more often then the winter. First of all, the obvious reason, it's warm out. Who wants to visit someone in the dead of winter, when they have to sit inside and gab...but who doesn't like sitting out on someone's deck and "shootin' the shit?" I know which one I would rather do! To me there is nothing better then sitting on someone's deck/bar patio with a bunch of friends, having a drink or two and talking about life. To me, that's what life's about!

It also seems that people are more willing to drive around in the summer, probably because of road conditions (they feel more comfortable on the road) and also because they aren't freezing! This, of course, enables you to connect with more people as your willing to drive all over the country side to talk to the people you are visiting. This increases the amount of people that you come in contact with and thus increasing your friendship with those people.

Another big one is camping/cottaging/vacationing. Most people take vacations in the summer and many of us take these vacations with others outside of the family. This, pretty much, forces us to become closer with these people because we are with them a lot more then we normally would! You are also creating a history with people then, something that you can both look back on and tell stories about what happened that weekend.

So, in other words, summer is great...and I love it because I hang out with friends a lot more, and even family. I feel that I become closer with friends in the summer time and our community becomes tighter as a group. Do you experience this as well?

Better Late then Never...

So I finally got a new keyboard...before my space bar and my "b" button were messed up...but it's finally been replaced! So what's new and happening...work is keeping me crazy busy and it's summer time...so I don't spend much of my home time on the computer. However...that doesn't mean my mind isn't still pondering things...

Just the other day I was talking to a friend about ministry...and we were saying that just because you don't directly work for a church (or in a church) that it can still be something that you are called to do...in other words...ministry. There are many views out there, believe it or not, that say that if you don't work for a church then you are not in ministry. This is a very sad....and awfully misleading opinion. I have a friend who works in the 'jock world" and is currently bringing kids to Christ all through out Ontario by organizing camps at in collaboration with various churches. That's not ministry? I have heard the same things through where I work...people are in my business because they are called to it. I remember talking to a coworker and they said that this is where they have been called to...not working at a church....being a pastor or some other coordinator...but working with people that have disabilities.

So in other words...for you people that still have your head stuck in the mud...it is possible to be a Christian outside of the church...and it is possible to have God call you to a specific line of work...whether that's in the social service field, a trade, or accounting...God will use you where you are...and you will minister to those around you....that to me is being called to ministry...

A Quickie

So it's been a while since the last blog...and for that I apologize...life's been busy...but isn't that always the excuse? So how is everyone doing? I'm doing pretty well...I'm starting another course next week called Alternative Dispute Resolution. I was supposed to be taking Level 1 (3 days) and Level 2 (3 days) but due to me being unorganized I triple booked myself for the later half of the week and had to cancel Level 2....oops! Anyways I'm really excited about taking the first part of the course and diving into the mediation world again!

In other news, good friends of mine are going to be getting married this week! Hooray! I usually dislike weddings (true story)...but I'm really looking forward to this one! I will be playing at the wedding too which should be interesting...it's been a while since I've had to play in front of people so that makes me excited and anxious...should be good times!

Go for a Walk...

This past Sunday marked the 25th anniversary of Faith Christian Reformed Church in Burlington. Everyone met at one of the Compass Point Churches for the celebration...and it was a huge success! One thing really struck me as the celebration went on...one of our previous pastor's...I believe it was Pastor Kortel, mentioned that when the church started that they were focused on building relationships...and Kortel mentioned that he was glad that we had continued that focus. Why did this strike a chord with me? Well if you have read any of these blogs you'll notice that I thrive on relationships and think that they are extremely important in our lives. One thing that we tried to do at Faith church was constantly try to build relationships, both within our congregation and outside (with other churches, our surrounding neighbourhood, etc.). So it really made me get a warm, fuzzy feeling that an "outsider" noticed our focus on relationships...which makes me think....we're doing something right...

After the celebration I had the chance to talk to a few people. While talking to one particular person we noted that all Christians need to own a dog....strange right? Well, not really...what we were saying is that when you have a dog, you need to walk it through your neighbourhood (usually), and as a dog owner, your dog will usually approach other dogs...therefore you are probably having a quick conversation with that dog's owner. Thus, starting a new relationship with that owner...which leads us back to the importance of relationships....think about it...then let me know your thoughts...

Drink Milk...

So earlier this week, on Monday and Tuesday, my morning coffee tasted awful! It was completely gross and left my stomach feeling queasy for the rest of the day...I was not impressed because I treasure my morning coffee. So I complained to my wife about the coffee that we had and said that we are never to buy that coffee again! Then on Wednesday I poured myself some milk (I take milk in my coffee) before having my morning coffee and almost threw up it tasted so disgusting. Then my mind started to realize that it wasn't the coffee but it was the milk that was ruining my coffee...the coffee had no "floaties" or anything in it so I assumed that it was the coffee, when rather it was the milk that had infiltrated my taste buds...

So why am I telling this story? Perspective. The way we perceive things can sometimes be radically different the the reality of the situation. We can all learn something from this story because sometimes we need to stand back and look at the situation from another angle. This is especially true when it comes to conflict. Sometimes we can view a conflict from our narrow perspective and not see the bigger picture or the other parties side of the conflict. We can get caught up in our own views and shut everyone else's views out. This is where many conflicts will start, and this is also the solution to that problem many times.

So before you shoot your mouth off to your wife about the quality of the coffee, make sure you have considered what you put in your coffee....

Family Ties

So I went to Ottawa this weekend for my cousin's wedding. I had a lot of fun there visiting family, even though I was only there for roughly 22 hours. I stayed at my uncle and aunt's house and I love being there. They have a nice place in the country and are great hosts with great stories and fun! It was very interesting to talk to my aunt about mediation (she is also interested in it) and to see my cousin's child, who is growing up fast! One thing I noticed on the way home is the way that our stories run as a narrative. What's the best way to catch up with someone? Listen to their stories! The Dykstra clan are (I would say) known for their stories and their story telling abilities...so what do you get when you put a load of Dykstra's together? A load of stories! I love a good story and I love to hear the stories of my families lives.

Two of the things that struck me while I was in Ottawa was people's abilities to catch up so quickly, and secondly the way that people communicate with each other. One of the things that are incredible in relationships are the way people gel together so quickly, even if they haven't seen each other in a long time! In order to start bonding with someone you have not seen in a while it is important to re-establish the trust that was once there. By doing this a few sentences can usually catch you up to speed on the person's life. Apart of that re-establishing the trust is being genuinely interested in how that person has been. That is really something that you can not fake!

Secondly, like I mentioned before the way people communicate with each other. Some people are very factual, and others very abstract. My family is generally long winded :) and can tell stories seemingly forever, and I could sit there forever listening to the stories! I think though that my family (extended as well) relate to each other very well through stories, if you ever sit at a table with them, or a campfire, you are bound to hear hundreds of stories, sometimes the same ones (usually with added things :) ) but there is always new ones. They could tell an interesting story about grocery shopping.... I kid you not!

Anyways, as my story goes longer and longer, the point is to listen to those around you and show them your love and support, don't just sit around them, BE around them, enjoy them, listen to them, but most importantly be yourself around them

A first

So last night I completed my first mediation with Community Justice Initiatives and I must admit I was really nervous beforehand. I pretty much observed for the majority, asking questions when some came to mind, but for the most part was comfortable in the background. I wanted to make sure that I didn't interfere with the process and wasn't quite comfortable enough to voice myself sometimes, mainly because, like I said, it was my first one. I'm not sure who left feeling satisfied more, the group, or myself. It was amazing to see people talk together about some tough issues and be respecful to one another and throw different ideas around and brainstorm together. Another thing that was prevelant was the love that they had for each other and the support that they wanted to give each other. This was an amazing thing to see for me, the encouragement, etc.

I'm excited with the way things went and hope that they continue to work together in the future. I knew that volunteering with CJI was going to be rewarding, but this surpassed my expecations and makes me very excited to do mediation on my own as well. I know that it won't be easy to start doing mediations (on my own) and to drum up business, but I'm excited about the journey that will begin!

Travel around....

I love to travel, I don't do it as much as I would like but I love to travel. I've been to Europe (when I was very young), almost every different state (at least driving through it), all of our western provinces, Panama, Dominican Republic, and pretty much all over Ontario. The thing I like most about travelling is the different people and cultures that you experience. However, when we went to Panama and Dominican Republic I left feeling a little unsatisfied. Why? you might ask. Well, we stayed in a resort for both, and while we rode around the city on a bus and stuff you don't really get to taste the rich culture around you.

One of the next places I would love to go to is Nicaragua, for a few reasons. Reason 1) My cousin and his fiancee have started a hostel, among other things, down in San Juan del Sur Nicaragua, called Hostel Esperanza. They are pretty much right on the beach and if you go to their website it is filled with joyous praise for the hostel. Knowing my cousin a bit, I can just imagine the experience is filled with fun and excitement. Reason 2) I would love to experience the culture of another country, the sights, the smells, the people. It seems like such a rich culture full of excitement waiting to happen. So if your looking for exciting travels take a look at Hostel Esperanza and give my cousin and his fiancee a big hug for me...and tell them I'm coming down one day....

Traditionally washed...

This weekend I watched the movie "PleasantVille," it's been a while since I've last seen it! It was definitely better then I remembered it...not that it's superb or anything...but it was alright. Throughout the movie I couldn't stop thinking about how much people hate change, especially when it comes to their traditions. Now, I realize that pretty much everyone hates and loves change (myself included)...but what do I mean by that? Well...change that is brought on by ourselves we like, because we are in control of it. However, changes that just happen to us (death of a love one, getting fired, getting sick, etc.) we hate, I think, because we have no control over the matter.
Enter tradition...traditions can often become our "religion." Traditions can often blind us of the truth and we can become so focused on the tradition itself that we lose sight of why we do that tradition to begin with. Now, I'm not saying that traditions are bad or not enjoyable, I certainly do love different traditions, however I think we are to be wary of them. The most prevalent example that I can think of occurs within churches. I have often found (from talking to various people) that congregations can be at risk when they start taking traditions too seriously. For example, why do we have to go to church twice on a Sunday. Now I know of some churches that it is strongly frowned upon to NOT go to church twice on a Sunday. However, when you talk to some of the various members that go to a church like that and you ask them why they go to church twice on Sunday, usually their response is, "It's just what we've always done!" Now, I'm not saying that there is anything that is wrong with going to church twice on Sundays, and if that's what your getting from this your completely missing the point. But I think that if we lose sight as to why we do various traditions within our church, and start "worshipping" that tradition then we, as a church are on the wrong path.

I used to play for a church band in university and we would sometimes go to other churches to lead worship. I remember in one church that we were playing at we ended the service with a slower song that really emphasized the sermon, and was a contemplative song for people to leave the service with. However, after the service a women came up to some members of our band and said that we should have ended the service with an upbeat song because that's what they always did. I really felt like saying, "really? That's what you got from that? {Enter explicit here}" Instead of focusing on the words of the song and how it related to the teaching she could only hear the tempo of the song, and through that decided that it was a poor song choice. Brutal..

Anyways...that's enough rants for today...have you stumbled across this sort of thing? Or is it just me??

Preston Manning and breakfast

So this morning I woke up really early and went to "The Third Annual Burlington Leadership Prayer Breakfast." A few things struck me as I sat in the massive Burlington Convention Center; 1) Holy Crap there is a lot of people here! 2) There were some very big names politically, Preston Manning! 3) How amazing is it that the Christian community of Burlington gets together to pray for the leaders of Burlington. The breakfast was great and the company even better, it was really nice to see some familiar faces from my old church!

The main speaker at this event was a past conservative leader Preston Manning. While he was being introduced I couldn't help but think, wow, this guy has seen it all. His talk was some advice on spiritual remedies to our economic turbulence. He had four main things that could aid us during these times; Knowledge, Decide, Prayer, Act.

Knowledge: We need to make sure that we are educated in our surroundings and that we know the Bible, as it can help us face some of these economic problems that we are facing.
Decide: We, as leaders, need to make Decisions. It is better to make a decision then to be undeceive and leave our fate to others.
Prayer: We need to pray for our leaders in the community and politically that they make good decisions and that they can see God's hand at work.
Act: Talk is cheap...we need to show what it is that we, as Christians, talk about by leading by example.

Afterwards I had a quick conversation with an old friend/colleague/mentor and he said that it was interesting that in our Canadian society there are many political leaders that have a Christian upbringing, but do not have the freedom/ability to express their beliefs. It was also said that the States are a bit different that way, there are signs with Bible verses and underneath them some business is advertising...it's amazing how different our cultures can be!

To sum it up, I had a great time at this breakfast, Preston Manning was a great speaker, he spoke with humour, zest, clarity, and compassion. He was entertaining and educational, and really made me realize the importance of leading spiritual lives and showing others that we are Christians by our actions, not always just our words. Like I said earlier, words are cheap, it's easy to spit out sentences of beliefs but it is quite another thing to live each day for Christ. I believe that we are all called to live each day for Him, and to be a light into our communities.

Who did you say you are?

So the other day I spent about 6-7 hours pretty much straight hanging out in Starbucks. In that time I met with 5 different friends (not all at once...). One of those friends I haven't seen in probably 2 years...crazy how time flies! I digress...I thought it was great to see people and sit and talk with them, all so different with so many different qualities and life experiences. I remember a conversation from years ago that really impacted my views on "friends." The gist of the conversation was that there are three types of relationships that you build in your life; Family, Friends, and Acquaintances.

Family: Family would include your immediate family (maybe some of your extended as well) as well as your close friends. Pretty much anyone that you are really close with and love as if they were your family. The kind of people you would extend a hand in any situation to help them.

Friends: Friends are those people that you would normally call friends or acquaintances but aren't really that close too. You probably have a surface level "friendship" with them, that could include people you have known for years, co-workers, etc. These people you probably have known for a while, but you could do without them (even though they are fun to be around!)

Acquaintances: These would be your connections and such. Your lawyer, real estate agent (pick Mark Nyman!!), bartender, whoever. These are people that you maybe went to high school with years ago, you know what I'm getting at.

While at Starbucks we talked about the various things in life, and one thing my friend said time and time again, "you just have to be who you are" (maybe not a direct quote...). Such a simple statement but yet there is so much truth to it. How many people do you know that are one way around certain people, and then a completely different person around others. I know a few of them and they really confuse/piss me off! Why? Because they are not being true to who they are and what they are all about. I can understand a bit if your going through puberty and trying to figure yourself out...but really...come on...who are you trying to fool?

Anyways, that quote really just made me excited about genuine people, and how much that I love talking to genuine people that are not afraid to be themselves. Well....I've rambled enough today....peace....and enjoy our God's life today....happy Easter!

Community vs. individual

So it's been almost a year since Gina and I moved to Cambridge. Since that we've been searching for a new church family(since our old one is a 40 min. drive) and we still really haven't come up with one. It's brutal searching for a new church, but kind of funny at the same time. I used to be the outreach coordinator at our old church and one of the things on my list of things to do was evaluate the welcoming aspect of the church. So going into new churches I find myself analyzing different approaches that are being done at these churches. Part of the difficulty of searching for a new church is that Gina and I only have 2 weekends off together every 2 months. So if you do the math that's about 12 Sundays out of the past year that we've been able to go to a church together. However, if you factor in vacations, different events (baptisms), laziness, etc. we probably really have only gone "church shopping" maybe 7 times. That's not much in one year, and I think we've only checked out about 5 different churches in the area...

This has been very frustrating for us because it is like we are in limbo within our own community. We don't really "belong" at our old church and we have no sense of belonging to a new church. I didn't really think at the beginning that this search was going to take such a toll on us, especially from a belonging point of view. Odd isn't it?

So this past Sunday I went with a friend to Cambridge Community Church which is really close to my house. Once we sat down a man in front of us turned around and introduced himself, and I was a bit taken a back, this was actually the first time someone engaged me in a conversation while visiting one of these churches. After the service he thanked us for coming and encouraged us to come back again for a more "alternative" service. Also, a man noticed while we were sitting that we did not have a bulletin and came and offered us his. Amazing isn't it? Such little things make a huge difference.

This whole concept of "church shopping" has been very questioning to me. What denomination should we go to? What about their worship music? Teachings? What is really valuable to us within a church? These have been some of the questions that have been going through my mind...and then I began asking questions whether or not these questions are really acceptable questions...is it a little selfish of me to be putting my needs for worship before God's needs for me? Maybe...I still haven't figured that out yet...

However, I will say this, just before we left our old church we joined a small group from that church. It has been an incredible experience and has really helped with our "sense of belonging" in this limbo period. Sure we don't always feel like driving 30 min. to get there but once we are there we enjoy it. It's amazing what a community can do for you!!

In Conflict

Lately I've been thinking about how I address problems...conflicts that I have in my own life... so how do I deal with them? Do I run and hide from them, confront them head-on, wait until they are going to blow up, etc.? I think I do a bit of all of these...I run and hide from them, or ignore them when I don't think that they are too big of a deal (which those can eventually build and blow up into something big), I confront them head-on, especially if it is a work situation where conflict needs to be dealt with right away (I feel at least...) and sometimes I wait until they blow up!

I guess the better question is how we approach conflict when we are in conflict. What I mean by that is do we yell, swear, curse at the person? Or do we use a gentle, firm voice? Does our body language match what we are saying? Or are we using it to intimidate the other person?

I am trying to deal with conflict better, sometimes it eats at me and eats at me until I can't take it anymore. But I will try...I hope I can succeed....how do you deal with conflict?

dogs and tats...

So...it's been a busy week...tattoo and dog...we got a dog this week....actually just this past wed. and then we had to get our shots and everything...she is just over 6 weeks old...and an adorable little fatty....here's a couple pictures of the tat and dog...oh...and her name is harley...

this is little harley...

and the new tattoo...

Astonishing Love

So yesterday I finally got my tattoo...finally....it's been a long time coming...what did I get? I got the words "Astonishing Love" written on my right forearm...and I love it... I have another tattoo on my leg, so going into the tattoo parlor I was a bit concerned...tattoo's aren't the most gently things to put on your body...but it was worth it. I was of course worried about the small things as well (which would have really been big if they had gone wrong...), like the spelling of the words...wouldn't that suck...

So why did I get the words Astonishing Love? Well over the past year or so of thinking about what I wanted to get tattooed I began thinking about Christ and my relationship with Him. Through thinking of that I began to realize the love that Christ has for us and I was amazed, even flabbergasted. I've done some stupid things in my life, and despite those, God still loves me...really? YES! I know! I was just as surprised! God loves us unconditionally, which is crazy to even begin thinking about that, and calls us His children, His sheep. So I was going to get the words "Amazing Love" written. After some thought I began to realize that amazing has lost it's power, and doesn't fully describe my thoughts that I have about God's love. So I began searching for similar words to amazing, and lo and behold, Astonishing emerged. Astonishing means, "causing astonishment or surprise; amazing" (Dictionary.com). It was the surprising in the meaning that really caught my attention! It surprises me how often we take God's love for granted, and is equally surprising that despite all our faults that God still loves us....hence the word choice.

I got my tattoo done by an artist named Bry who works at Thrive Studios. Check out their website and Bry's art that he has done, he's really good, and takes a lot of pride in his work....I'll post pictures of my tattoo soon....I guess you could say I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve now! (Yeah...I said it...)

The Great Divorce

The other day I read the book, "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis which depicts the separation of heaven and hell. The book is an easy read, and I read it pretty much in one sitting (it's not that long...) but I was amazed. I haven't really read much Lewis (surprisingly) but I was amazed at the simplicity of his writing, but within that simplicity the deepness (for lack of a better word) of that writing.

The basic plot of the book is some people from hell go on an excursion to heaven, and are given the opportunity to stay if they repent for their past. I don't really believe that God will give us yet another chance after we have died, however it is an interesting concept. Throughout the book the main character overhears various conversations between the angels and the people from hell. Every person from hell can not give up their past/present to come to see the full love of God, and kind of makes the people from hell seem very human. Human in the sense of us, people here on earth, trying to serve God with all that we have, but constantly failing. However, Lewis says in this book if we love God and are prepared to put Him first in our lives then we will fully see His glory when we are in heaven.

This book really reminded me of God's amazing love, which was kind of ironic because this week I am getting my tattoo on my forearm that says "Astonishing Love" and the reason for getting those words is that it is a constant reminder of God's surprising, amazing, spectacular love for us. Every time we think that we are despicable human beings that don't deserve the love of anyone, God always shines through and says to us, "you are mine, and I love you" which I think is pretty awesome....I'll talk more of the tattoo when it is done and I can put up some pictures or something...stay tuned...

Any Questions?

Through some of the courses that I have been taking and much of the reading that I have been doing for mediation, every person has stressed the importance of asking good questions. Essentially, this is the mediators major job; asking the right questions at the right time. By diving into books and courses I've really seen the importance of asking good questions and encouraging active listening, both of myself and others.

I've really come to notice that this practice of active listening and asking quality questions is a waste if I only use it within mediations. This practice can be extremely useful in our everyday lives. For example, I work as a support worker giving support to one individual so one thing I've been trying to do is to ask him good questions that makes him not only feel in control of the outcome, but also empowers him to realize how smart he actually is. This can also be relevant in our personal relationships with friends, family, spouses, etc. By actively listening to others and asking them good questions we are showing better interest in what they are talking about and helping us realize what is important to them and to be able to understand them better.

Leading questions make this process difficult because we will only asks questions that lead them in a certain direction. However, if we ask open questions then the other person feels more in control about where the conversation goes and enables them to control the conversation and explore themselves in a deeper, more meaningful way.

I could go on and on about this subject but I'll leave it at this...People have the capabilities and strengths within them to solve problems, sometimes they just need the right question to be asked of them to see what the answer is to that problem.

what is mediation?

So last post I touched briefly that I am taking courses towards my mediation certificate. So far I have taken one course called Transformative Mediation, which surpassed my expectations with great ease. Transformative in a nutshell focuses on the restoring of relationships to solve the conflict. It's different from other approaches to mediation because most other mediations focus on interests of each of the parties.

Many people that I have talked to over the past few months have asked me...what is mediation? So here is the short version of what mediation is. Mediation is also known as Alternative Dispute Resolution, and is an alternative to the court system. It can be incredibly effective for compromising and solving conflicts because each party that is represented is a part of the overall solution. The mediator pretty much just facilitates the conversation, asks questions for clarification, and encourages the parties to see the conflict from the other party's shoes. It's actually a pretty easy concept, with many complex details... I have fell in love with mediation and what it can do for others and am very excited to get more involved with doing mediations.

A quick over-view of the 3 types of mediations that I'm interested in doing...
1) Family Mediation- This can be anything from a divorce/separation, child custody, parenting plans, an angry teenager/parent conflict, let's put grandpa/grandma in a home conflict, etc. Any problem that you can think of to do with families, but it will mostly be divorce/separation/child custody cases that I will probably start doing
2) Congregational Mediation- Conflicts between congregation and Pastor, Church splits, facilitating discussions within the church, member conflicts, etc. Also, hopefully doing some workshops and stuff at various churches
3)Organizational Mediation- This one is very similar to congregational mediation, but parts can be time vs. money, employee conflicts, organizations vs. organizations, etc.

So anyways, it's going to be cool...and I'm really excited for the journey to begin!

introductions...

Let me formally introduce myself, my name is Jason Dykstra and my wife (Gina) and I live in the Cambridge area. I am currently working as a support worker in the Guelph area with individuals with developmentally delays and mental illness. I work within the Children and Youth section of our organization.
Lately I've become very interested in the world of mediation, so I've decided to take a few courses in order to become a certified mediator. Thus far it has been an extremely pleasant experience. I hope to one day set up my own mediation practice specializing in Family, Congregational, and Organizational Mediation. I'm very excited to do this!
So you might be wondering....why is Jason starting to blog? Well, I've been reading a lot of blogs in the past few months and decided that I should give back to the blogging community and hopefully offer some insights in to this world. Also I think that it is a very helpful tool for family and friends to keep in touch and find out what is happening in my own world. So let people know...that Jason is here!